Love Story, Viva la Vida, Love Story

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dE4rhONTGyM

Watch this video and think about marriage. What about this video could be a metaphor for marriage? It is also interesting to know that Viva la Vida translates into "live the life". The song starts with a Love Story, then progresses to Living the Life, and then ends again in a Love Story. Please share what you feel about this video! It gave me a different outlook on marriage and I want to know what you think this video and marriage have in common.

An Excelent Method For Problem Solving and Decision Making

The First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints use a specific method when it comes to solving problems and making decisions together. This method can also be used in marriage. If a married couple could use this method of solving problems and making decisions, then they would be much happier and much more satisfied than with the methods that they use now.

The Council Method of solving problems and making decisions together:
1. Discuss love and appreciation
2. Open with a prayer
3. All reach a consensus-God’s will
4. Close with a prayer
5. Refreshments

Discuss love and appreciation
-    It’s good to start this way to gain love, trust, and bonding. Put in perspective what is important, that even though you might be extremely mad at the person, you acknowledge the fact that you do love each other, and that this isn’t going to change that love. This isn’t a complaint session but a problem solving meeting. You are working together. Talk back and forth on how you admire each other, and how much you love and appreciate each other.

Open with a prayer
-    Invite the spirit to help each person to understand what the Lord wants, and what His will is to solve the problem. Invite the Spirit to keep each person calm and not angry and to think and make a decision without getting negative or angry.

All reach a consensus-God’s will
-    Both people work together to come to the same agreement on how to solve a problem. This needs to be God’s will, not the will of the husband, or the wife, but God.  Know that the Lord is on our side. Counsel with Him and He will tell you what He wants you to do. Also, study it out in your mind. Come to a conclusion that you both agree with and then take it to the Lord. Step out side of what you want to do and doing what God wants you to do.

Close with a prayer
-    Thank God for giving you an answer to your problem, and that you were both able to receive an answer from God on what He wanted you to do. This wraps everything up, includes the Lord and asks for a blessing on the answer that you got. This can also Solidify your testimony in understanding that the answer that you got is from God, and it is what He wants.

Refreshments
-    Do refreshments together to end the discussion on a happy note, and this gives you a chance to come together. Afterwards one or more people might be irritated, or agitated and it is best to re-bond with each other instead of going off on your own and sulking, or staying angry.

Also go to the temple about these problems, create a sacred place like a home to have this discussion. Have this discussion on a weekly basis or very often. Have an agenda about what both people are wanting to discuss.

Heavenly Father loves you more than you do. He wants what is best for you, and will provide a way for you to be eternally happy. I promise you that if you use this method to solve problems and make decisions in your marriage, you will be happy and you and your spouse will be brought closer together.

I would really love to hear about your thoughts and feelings about this. What methods have you used? How effective are they? Try this method and let me know how it works for you!

Infidelity in Marriage

Unfortunately in todays world there are many things that are trying to distroy marriages especially through infidelity. Infidelity is something that is creeping into marriages and destroying them. There are many different versions of infidelity. There is physical infidelity, and emotional infidelity. A spouse can commit infidelity by actually commiting adultury with someone else physically or through their thoughts. It is also a possability to commit infidelity by spending all of your time on something that is not your spouse. Women can do so by going out with their girlfriends too often, or just anything that takes all of her attention away from her husband for too long. Men can commit infidelity by being completely obsessed with their work and not spending any time with their wives, and also they can do this by spening too much time playing video games or television. Both spouses can commit infidelity by spending too much time on second life games. I advise very strongly to stay clear of second life and virtual living comepletely.

 

Danielle Nelson wrote in her article “Husbands and wives deal with gaming and marriage” (August 30, 2011) that Beverly, a girl who was newly married, felt like she was a “gaming widow”. Beverly also discovered other women who “feel they have lost their spouse to the virtual gaming world.”

 --Spencer W. Kimball; Faith Precedes the Miracle (1972), 142-143--:

“There are those married people who permit their eyes to wander and their hearts to become vagrant, who think it is not improper to flirt a little, to share their hearts and have desire for someone other than the wife or the husband. The Lord says in no uncertain terms: “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and no one else and, when the Lord says all thy heart”, it allows for no sharing nor dividing nor depriving. And, to the woman it is paraphrased:  ”Thou shalt love thy husband with all thy heart and shalt cleave unto him and none else.” The words none else eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes preeminent in the life of the husband or wife, and neither social life nor occupational life nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse.”

What are your thoughts?

Then Comes The Baby In The Baby Carriage

When a husband and a wife get together and have a child this is the most beautiful miracle that is here on this earth. Unfortunately this little bundle of joy can take a negative toll on a marriage. The marriage is now different because of this new addition, and it can do some harm on a relationship between a husband and a wife. There is a type of fall out with the man and woman as they each have to make a special effort to take care of their baby. The husband and wife spend less time with each other because all of the attention is on this child that needs this extra attention.

Men have to adopt fatherhood into their identities. The men need to become the type of father that takes care of the finances and provides for his family, or he needs to become a father that is highly involved and caring. On average men take on the bread-winning role and provide for their family financially. Unfortunately this leads to the father not being as involved in his children’s life, and they don’t pay attention to their children’s needs. Men also take on the role of a highly involved and caring parent. Men who take on the role of caregiver to their children unfortunately receive the distinction that they are feminized, and are not able to hold their own as a normal man. These men are degraded. Also, men who take on the care-giving role tend to be thought as a man who is not capable of ruling or being dominant in any political or social contexts. These men are thought of as weaker. These outcomes can be very stressful for a man, and it is something for him to consider before he becomes a father.

Becoming a parent is not only hard on the husband, but it also takes a toll on the wife. Women not only have to go through the whole pregnancy process of having children, but what happens after the child is born is what can be most difficult on a marriage. The work that comes with the emotional aspect of mothering a child takes a large toll on the woman. Fathering a child takes an emotional toll too, but it is especially difficult on the woman. Besides the fact that the woman has to take care of their new baby she also has many decisions to make once she becomes a mother. She needs to decide if she is going to continue in the work-force, or if she is going to stay home. The husband and wife need to decide who is going to be the bread-winner, and who is going to stay home and be the caregiver, or if both are going to continue working. The woman spends so much time with her child giving it the nurturing and care that it needs. This can be very stressful for the woman.

The husband and wife also need to take the time to have one on one time with each other so that their relationship is not diminished. Because the new mother and father spend so much time taking care of their new baby, it is easy for them to forget to take care of each other. The husband might feel neglected because his wife is spending so much time with the baby and not with him, and this may be very hurtful for the husband. The wife spends a lot of time taking care of their baby and sometimes she may feel like her husband isn’t really trying hard to help her with this. Together in their own way both husband and wife feel neglected and abandoned. It is very important for the husband and wife to talk to each other about this and get back to being in tune with each other. They need to make a special effort to restore their sense of intimacy that they shared before. They need to be extra supportive to each other and communicate better, and their sexual relationship needs to be enhanced.

Bringing a child into a marriage is very stressful and can have a negative impact on the husband and wife relationship. But if the husband and wife work together at keeping their intimate relationship strong, and work together at raising their child, then they will be able to have a strong marriage and an even stronger family.

Please share your thoughts and feelings.

Perfect

I think that one of the many problems that couples have is that they feel like their relationship should be perfect. They have too high of expectations and if their spouse is not perfect, then they think they chose the wrong person. This leads to divorce, and the search for the "perfect person". Unfortunately the only perfect person was Jesus Christ. The rest of us aren't perfect. If you only look for the perfect person then you are out of luck. Even if there was a perfect person out there, they would never chose you because you aren't perfect yourself.

Marriages will always have their problems because marriage is difficult and it is something to work for. Just because a marriage isn't perfect, does not mean that it is a bad marriage. As long as both spouses are working hard on keeping their marriage alive, then it will be a good marriage. 

I was listening to the radio and the song Perfect by Sara Evans came on and it made me think about all of this. I would like you to listen to this song. I've posted it below.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zJ82fCX324


Marriage isn't easy. Both spouses need to work at it at all times. 

What are your thoughts about this?

TRADITION!!

Traditions play a very important role in family life and also in cultures. Traditions strengthen family bonds and will draw family members closer together. They will give you strength and stability. Things may get rough in life, and if tragedy strikes then traditions can help you get through those hard times. It is something to hold on to even if everything seems to be crumbling down. Traditions give individual family members a sense of identity. Traditions can also give family members a place where they belong. As long as the tradition goes on, then that is where individual family members belong. The sense of family can be reinforced when tradition rituals are remembered and continued. This tradition can create a connection between the different generation in a family.

My family and I have many different traditions. One of my favorite traditions is on Christmas Eve all of my extended family gathers together at my Grandma and Grandpa’s house. We bring food and have dinner together. After we have dinner then we do a gift exchange, or other games. It is a ton of fun and the whole family is able to get together and bond over this special time of year. I am so much closer to my extended family because we get together like this. We are able to celebrate our family and the holidays. When I have my own family, I hope that I can continue this tradition, especially when I have grandchildren. I feel that if I continue this tradition it will bring my family closer together. 

What traditions do you and your own family have? How does it affect you? I am very interested to learn about your traditions. Please share.

Families Can Be Together Forever

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Also known as Mormon. In my religion we believe that families can be together forever. We believe that a man and a woman can seal themselves together for all time and eternity. When a worthy man and woman go to our temple, they can make covenants (a two way promise between you and God) that will seal themselves together. This connection will not end "till death do you part" but will last forever. If a worthy man and woman seal themselves together, then their children will also be sealed to them. This way the family will be together forever. If tragedy strikes and a loved one is lost, the family that is sealed together will be together again once more. I am so very grateful that I am sealed to my own family and that I will be able to be with them for time and all eternity. I am also thankful that when I marry and start my own family it will not end at death, but it will last forever. 

What are your thoughts and beliefs?

The Genogram

http://www.genopro.com/genogram/

In class we have the option of creating our own genogram for our own families. We learned that "the genogram is a widely accepted means of mapping and discussing inter-generational family relations and patterns." The Website above will help you do your own genogram.

It is very important to review past generations to understand who you are, and why you are the way you are. You can spot family trends that your family have established, and also look at the different behaviors that you and your family have. It is also very important to look at past behaviors and past problems that seem to be a trend in your family. Looking at and understanding these trends, you can stop negative trends and alter future generations.

I am very curious to know what everyone thinks about this! Please comment and leave your thoughts!

The Remedy for Marital Problems

Here are some things that I learned in class today:

The remedy for almost all marital problems is not divorce, but repentance. The first step is not separation, but reform. To prevent marrying someone who is abusive, unfaithful and so many other things is to avoid marriage to such a person. If you wish to marry well, inquire well. It is important to get to know the person that you are dating, followed by a careful courtship. Fiancés should learn everything that they can about the families that they join. You don’t just marry the person, you marry the whole family. For a successful marriage, it is very important to realize that a good marriage does not require a perfect man or woman, but that they should both strive together towards perfection.

Unchangeable Laws

Some laws cannot be changed by anyone. The law of gravity for example, cannot be changed. Gravity will always be there. Even if people wanted to change it to where there was no gravity or that gravity was now to fall upwards and not downwards, there is no changing it. Marriage is one of these laws. People want to change the definition of marriage. However, like gravity, it cannot be changed. People can say what they want about it being different, but it is not possible. Marriage is and always will be between a man and a woman lawfully wedded as husband and wife. This is Heavenly Father’s law. Mankind cannot change these laws. So people can say that marriage is two partners, a genderless unit, and they can also say that gravity falls upwards, as many times as they want, but saying it does not make it true. What marriage really is will never change, so everything that is happening in the world today that says otherwise is pointless.

Myths About Family Life

In class we read from Marriage & Family: The Quest for Intimacy written by Robert H. Lauer and Jeanette C. Lauer. 

In the reading it talked about myths about family life. A few of the myths that are in the book are: 
Opposites attract
People marry because they love each other
Having children increases marital satisfaction
A good sex life is the best predictor of marital satisfaction
Happily married people don't have conflict
Half of all marriages end in divorce

These myths can be very damaging to family life. Opposites may attract but those differences that you thought were so cute at the beginning of your relationship may just break your marriage and family because they are differences that you can't or wont put up with or overcome. 
It is very good to love the person that you marry, but that should not be the only factor in your decision to marry. There are so many other factors that need to be considered in your choice to marry someone. A couple of these factors are goals and values that each person have. Couples need to share the same personal, life, and relationship goals. It is also very important for the couple to share the same values. 
Having children is very important and can be very satisfactory in a marriage and family. Unfortunately children also ads on a ton of stress as well. Children cause lack of sleep, they are very expensive, they take a lot of time and emotional strain on a parent and a relationship. Children can really take a tole on a marriage but children also strengthens a marriage when the husband and wife unite with each other to raise their child.
Having a good sex life will not keep a marriage together all by its self. It may help hold up a marriage but there needs to be a deeper connection between the couple. The relationship needs to be based off of friendship, love, respect, common goals and common values.
Just because you are happily married does not mean that there will be no conflicts. Many things will come up in a marriage that will bring conflicts, but it is important for the husband and wife to work together and build a stronger relationship. 
Not necessarily half of all marriages end in divorce. Even though many people get divorced it does not have to effect you and your marriage. Many people divorce over things that could be solved with some time and effort.  
 These myths can be very damaging to family life and marriage. There are many things that can hinder and challenge a marriage and relationship, but if the couple works together and fortify their relationship then there is nothing that will tear it down.

Disney Lied To Us

Every girl dreams about falling in love and having a Disney Princess wedding, and living "happily ever after". Unfortunately Disney forgot to inform us that life moves on after the wedding. Too many people focus too much on preparing for the wedding and not enough preparing for marriage. Disney teaches us that you will meet someone, fall instantly in love, and then live "happily ever after". People should not get married solely based on the fact that they love each other, but other important factors need to be considered. 

It is very important to get to know the person that you are going to marry. Couples need to have their relationship based off of the similar goals and values that each of them share. Marriage is the blending of a man and a woman who are different from each other and also have families that are different from the other. No one is exactly the same and therefore conflict is inevitable. The saying "happy people don't have conflict" is a marriage/family myth. Because the couple is happily in love it does not mean that there could not be any conflict. Many conflicts, arguments and disagreements come with marriage. It is important for the couple to learn how to get past these conflicts and learn how to improvise and be able to give some things up.

So if marriage is so difficult then why do it, right? Wrong. Marriage is one of the things that will make your life so much more satisfactory than not being married. Marriage gives you a team mate in this game of life that is committed to you and will make both of you better people. Marriage teaches you to be selfless, to improvise, become responsible, love unconditionally, and so many other things. Nothing can replace marriage and the family unit. Many things such as co-habitation and casual sexual relationships try to replace marriage and the benefits that come with it, but they will never come close to actually being married and fully committed to your spouse. 

Disney's view on happily ever after is a bit skewed, but we are able to build our own happily ever after through hard work and commitment to our spouse and marriage.  

This is Something That I Feel Everyone Should Read, Because This is What I Believe a Family is

The Family

---

A Proclamation to the World

The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.

All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.

In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshipped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize their divine destiny as heirs of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.

The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.

We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan.

Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

Here we go, my first blog! I am required to start a blog for my Family Relations class here at school, Brigham Young University of Idaho. I am excited be able to share my thoughts, feelings, and beliefs with others. This blog is mainly going to be about families and what I learn about it in class, and what I have come to know and believe about it. First of all I believe that the family is the most sacred unit here on earth. I know that Heavenly Father gave us the opportunity to have a family to help each and every one of us learn and grow. I am so very grateful for my family and the love that we have for each other. Because each of us strives to lift each other up we have become stronger individually as well as a unit. I love my family and I am so glad that Heavenly Father gave them to me.