I Believe in Smiling

I Believe in… I believe that a smile can make someone’s day brighter. Someone could be heart broken, depressed, angry, sad, or maybe they are having a really bad day. Maybe they just need a smile to brighten up their day. Last semester I was going through a really hard time, and I was really sad. Everything seemed grey, and it seemed like I was all alone. I felt as if there wasn’t any happiness in the world, or at least as if I wouldn’t ever be happy. I robotically went to and from classes, and didn’t care about anything at the time. I felt physically and emotionally drained. To say the least, I was having a really bad day. As I walked through campus, head down and not focusing on anything, I heard my name being shouted. A friend from class was waving at me. She asked how I was doing and told me to have a great day. After that, I walked with my head up, but I was still sad. Walking through the library, random people would smile at me and say “hi”. This made me feel a lot better. Throughout the whole day, people kept smiling at me and making me feel welcome and happier. I’m glad that these people smiled at me. They brought me out of the dark rut that I was stuck in, and they taught me that a smile can make someone’s day brighter. Now as I walk through campus I smile at everyone around me in hopes of making someone’s day better. I have a smile to give, so why not give it? I believe that one smile can make a difference in someone’s life. Smiling isn’t that hard, so why not smile? It makes the world a happier and friendlier place to be in. Please share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. I really want to know what you think about this. What has brightened your day?

Father Involvement

Fatherhood has changed immensely over the span of time. Fathers and mothers worked side by side their children before the industrial revolution. Fathers would work on their farms with their children teaching them how to work, instructing them in spiritual matters and in things not spiritual. Children, especially sons, could learn a lot from their father, and his example. The father did not have to leave home to go to work because the work was home. Men made a living at home, surviving off the land and making their own way. Children were able to spend a lot of time with their fathers because of this. Unfortunately, the industrial revolution changed all that. Men were able to leave home and find a more stable income working in factories. The fathers would end up working 14-16 hour workdays to try to bring in money for their families. This took the fathers from their homes and families for most of the day. This caused fathers to be more absent from their homes and families. Children were not able to be with their father as often as they used to. Children were not able to have that influence from their father like they used to have. Soon fathers were seen mainly as the bread winner who provided food for the table and not someone who fulfills any other paternal duty. There has been research done that shows that preteens, and teenagers need the type of leadership that only a father can provide, and children do better in school if their father is interested in their education and schooling. Because men are so busy with their work they feel like they do not have enough time to invest into their families, but if fathers find the time to spend with their children, their children will be able to benefit from their father’s influence. What I find important There are many things that I think is important for fathers to do to have a positive influence over their children. Children need their father in their lives, to be able to learn and grow and use what their father’s teach them in their lives. I think fathers need to spend more time at home with their children than the average father. I also think that fathers need to be more interested in their children’s schooling, social life, and spiritual life. Fathers also need to spend time working side by side with their children. Spend more time at home Fathers spend too much time at work, and not enough time at home with their families. Many men might feel very stressed when they are home, and might use work as an escape from the intensities of home. Some men might feel like they need to be constantly providing for their families so they have enough money to survive, or keep the children happy. If fathers would spend more time at home with their families they will find that that will be better for their children than providing them with a good income. Be interested in their education Fathers tend to feel like their child’s education is not on their list of paternal duties, and that he does not need to be involved, but what he does not know is that fathers can influence the children’s education immensely by being involved. Children tend to do better in school when their father is involved in their education. Be interested in their social life Fathers need to be interested in their children’s social life because they need to know and understand what their child is going through. Fathers need to be aware of the type of people that his children choose to hang out with and the type of influence that they have on his children. If a father is more involved in a child’s life, the boy will have a better male role model, and the girl will be less promiscuous. Be interested in their spiritual life If a father takes an interest in their child’s spiritual life, they will be able to have an influence on their child’s moral and spiritual values. Children will be able to use him as a positive influence spiritually, and will be able to use him as a good spiritual role model. Work side by side with them If a father works side by side his children he will be able to have a strong influence on his children. His children will be able to learn a great work ethic and be able to bond with their father in a way that they would not be able to otherwise. They will also know that their father is not a dictator commanding them to do things while watching them work. This will bring a closer bond between the father and his children. My experiences My dad is a great man. I am very grateful that I have the father that I do because I would be completely different if I had a different father. My father made sure that he gave his children the best he could. I love my father and I would not change him one bit. My father wanted to be able to spend more time with his children so he took a job where he had less hours and more free time. He was not able to bring in a lot of money like many fathers, but he was able to be with his children and spend more time with us. My father has always been interested in our social life and he has always known who our friends are and what we do. He has also invested himself in our education with schooling and spiritual education. Because of him I turned out the way I have. My father also worked side by side with us, showing us how to work and teaching us many things that we couldn’t have any other way. Future family In my future family I will marry a man who will be very invested in our children’s lives. I will marry a man who will spend more time at home, and work less away from home. He will also be invested in our children’s social life, spiritual life, and their education. My husband and myself will work side by side with our children so they will be able to bond with us and learn what I learned working with my father.

Love Story, Viva la Vida, Love Story

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dE4rhONTGyM

Watch this video and think about marriage. What about this video could be a metaphor for marriage? It is also interesting to know that Viva la Vida translates into "live the life". The song starts with a Love Story, then progresses to Living the Life, and then ends again in a Love Story. Please share what you feel about this video! It gave me a different outlook on marriage and I want to know what you think this video and marriage have in common.

An Excelent Method For Problem Solving and Decision Making

The First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints use a specific method when it comes to solving problems and making decisions together. This method can also be used in marriage. If a married couple could use this method of solving problems and making decisions, then they would be much happier and much more satisfied than with the methods that they use now.

The Council Method of solving problems and making decisions together:
1. Discuss love and appreciation
2. Open with a prayer
3. All reach a consensus-God’s will
4. Close with a prayer
5. Refreshments

Discuss love and appreciation
-    It’s good to start this way to gain love, trust, and bonding. Put in perspective what is important, that even though you might be extremely mad at the person, you acknowledge the fact that you do love each other, and that this isn’t going to change that love. This isn’t a complaint session but a problem solving meeting. You are working together. Talk back and forth on how you admire each other, and how much you love and appreciate each other.

Open with a prayer
-    Invite the spirit to help each person to understand what the Lord wants, and what His will is to solve the problem. Invite the Spirit to keep each person calm and not angry and to think and make a decision without getting negative or angry.

All reach a consensus-God’s will
-    Both people work together to come to the same agreement on how to solve a problem. This needs to be God’s will, not the will of the husband, or the wife, but God.  Know that the Lord is on our side. Counsel with Him and He will tell you what He wants you to do. Also, study it out in your mind. Come to a conclusion that you both agree with and then take it to the Lord. Step out side of what you want to do and doing what God wants you to do.

Close with a prayer
-    Thank God for giving you an answer to your problem, and that you were both able to receive an answer from God on what He wanted you to do. This wraps everything up, includes the Lord and asks for a blessing on the answer that you got. This can also Solidify your testimony in understanding that the answer that you got is from God, and it is what He wants.

Refreshments
-    Do refreshments together to end the discussion on a happy note, and this gives you a chance to come together. Afterwards one or more people might be irritated, or agitated and it is best to re-bond with each other instead of going off on your own and sulking, or staying angry.

Also go to the temple about these problems, create a sacred place like a home to have this discussion. Have this discussion on a weekly basis or very often. Have an agenda about what both people are wanting to discuss.

Heavenly Father loves you more than you do. He wants what is best for you, and will provide a way for you to be eternally happy. I promise you that if you use this method to solve problems and make decisions in your marriage, you will be happy and you and your spouse will be brought closer together.

I would really love to hear about your thoughts and feelings about this. What methods have you used? How effective are they? Try this method and let me know how it works for you!

Infidelity in Marriage

Unfortunately in todays world there are many things that are trying to distroy marriages especially through infidelity. Infidelity is something that is creeping into marriages and destroying them. There are many different versions of infidelity. There is physical infidelity, and emotional infidelity. A spouse can commit infidelity by actually commiting adultury with someone else physically or through their thoughts. It is also a possability to commit infidelity by spending all of your time on something that is not your spouse. Women can do so by going out with their girlfriends too often, or just anything that takes all of her attention away from her husband for too long. Men can commit infidelity by being completely obsessed with their work and not spending any time with their wives, and also they can do this by spening too much time playing video games or television. Both spouses can commit infidelity by spending too much time on second life games. I advise very strongly to stay clear of second life and virtual living comepletely.

 

Danielle Nelson wrote in her article “Husbands and wives deal with gaming and marriage” (August 30, 2011) that Beverly, a girl who was newly married, felt like she was a “gaming widow”. Beverly also discovered other women who “feel they have lost their spouse to the virtual gaming world.”

 --Spencer W. Kimball; Faith Precedes the Miracle (1972), 142-143--:

“There are those married people who permit their eyes to wander and their hearts to become vagrant, who think it is not improper to flirt a little, to share their hearts and have desire for someone other than the wife or the husband. The Lord says in no uncertain terms: “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and no one else and, when the Lord says all thy heart”, it allows for no sharing nor dividing nor depriving. And, to the woman it is paraphrased:  ”Thou shalt love thy husband with all thy heart and shalt cleave unto him and none else.” The words none else eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes preeminent in the life of the husband or wife, and neither social life nor occupational life nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse.”

What are your thoughts?

Then Comes The Baby In The Baby Carriage

When a husband and a wife get together and have a child this is the most beautiful miracle that is here on this earth. Unfortunately this little bundle of joy can take a negative toll on a marriage. The marriage is now different because of this new addition, and it can do some harm on a relationship between a husband and a wife. There is a type of fall out with the man and woman as they each have to make a special effort to take care of their baby. The husband and wife spend less time with each other because all of the attention is on this child that needs this extra attention.

Men have to adopt fatherhood into their identities. The men need to become the type of father that takes care of the finances and provides for his family, or he needs to become a father that is highly involved and caring. On average men take on the bread-winning role and provide for their family financially. Unfortunately this leads to the father not being as involved in his children’s life, and they don’t pay attention to their children’s needs. Men also take on the role of a highly involved and caring parent. Men who take on the role of caregiver to their children unfortunately receive the distinction that they are feminized, and are not able to hold their own as a normal man. These men are degraded. Also, men who take on the care-giving role tend to be thought as a man who is not capable of ruling or being dominant in any political or social contexts. These men are thought of as weaker. These outcomes can be very stressful for a man, and it is something for him to consider before he becomes a father.

Becoming a parent is not only hard on the husband, but it also takes a toll on the wife. Women not only have to go through the whole pregnancy process of having children, but what happens after the child is born is what can be most difficult on a marriage. The work that comes with the emotional aspect of mothering a child takes a large toll on the woman. Fathering a child takes an emotional toll too, but it is especially difficult on the woman. Besides the fact that the woman has to take care of their new baby she also has many decisions to make once she becomes a mother. She needs to decide if she is going to continue in the work-force, or if she is going to stay home. The husband and wife need to decide who is going to be the bread-winner, and who is going to stay home and be the caregiver, or if both are going to continue working. The woman spends so much time with her child giving it the nurturing and care that it needs. This can be very stressful for the woman.

The husband and wife also need to take the time to have one on one time with each other so that their relationship is not diminished. Because the new mother and father spend so much time taking care of their new baby, it is easy for them to forget to take care of each other. The husband might feel neglected because his wife is spending so much time with the baby and not with him, and this may be very hurtful for the husband. The wife spends a lot of time taking care of their baby and sometimes she may feel like her husband isn’t really trying hard to help her with this. Together in their own way both husband and wife feel neglected and abandoned. It is very important for the husband and wife to talk to each other about this and get back to being in tune with each other. They need to make a special effort to restore their sense of intimacy that they shared before. They need to be extra supportive to each other and communicate better, and their sexual relationship needs to be enhanced.

Bringing a child into a marriage is very stressful and can have a negative impact on the husband and wife relationship. But if the husband and wife work together at keeping their intimate relationship strong, and work together at raising their child, then they will be able to have a strong marriage and an even stronger family.

Please share your thoughts and feelings.

Perfect

I think that one of the many problems that couples have is that they feel like their relationship should be perfect. They have too high of expectations and if their spouse is not perfect, then they think they chose the wrong person. This leads to divorce, and the search for the "perfect person". Unfortunately the only perfect person was Jesus Christ. The rest of us aren't perfect. If you only look for the perfect person then you are out of luck. Even if there was a perfect person out there, they would never chose you because you aren't perfect yourself.

Marriages will always have their problems because marriage is difficult and it is something to work for. Just because a marriage isn't perfect, does not mean that it is a bad marriage. As long as both spouses are working hard on keeping their marriage alive, then it will be a good marriage. 

I was listening to the radio and the song Perfect by Sara Evans came on and it made me think about all of this. I would like you to listen to this song. I've posted it below.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zJ82fCX324


Marriage isn't easy. Both spouses need to work at it at all times. 

What are your thoughts about this?