Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Then Comes The Baby In The Baby Carriage



When a husband and a wife get together and have a child this is the most beautiful miracle that is here on this earth. Unfortunately this little bundle of joy can take a negative toll on a marriage. The marriage is now different because of this new addition, and it can do some harm on a relationship between a husband and a wife. There is a type of fall out with the man and woman as they each have to make a special effort to take care of their baby. The husband and wife spend less time with each other because all of the attention is on this child that needs this extra attention.
Men have to adopt fatherhood into their identities. The men need to become the type of father that takes care of the finances and provides for his family, or he needs to become a father that is highly involved and caring. On average men take on the bread-winning role and provide for their family financially. Unfortunately this leads to the father not being as involved in his children’s life, and they don’t pay attention to their children’s needs. Men also take on the role of a highly involved and caring parent. Men who take on the role of caregiver to their children unfortunately receive the distinction that they are feminized, and are not able to hold their own as a normal man. These men are degraded. Also, men who take on the care-giving role tend to be thought as a man who is not capable of ruling or being dominant in any political or social contexts. These men are thought of as weaker. These outcomes can be very stressful for a man, and it is something for him to consider before he becomes a father.
Becoming a parent is not only hard on the husband, but it also takes a toll on the wife. Women not only have to go through the whole pregnancy process of having children, but what happens after the child is born is what can be most difficult on a marriage. The work that comes with the emotional aspect of mothering a child takes a large toll on the woman. Fathering a child takes an emotional toll too, but it is especially difficult on the woman. Besides the fact that the woman has to take care of their new baby she also has many decisions to make once she becomes a mother. She needs to decide if she is going to continue in the work-force, or if she is going to stay home. The husband and wife need to decide who is going to be the bread-winner, and who is going to stay home and be the caregiver, or if both are going to continue working. The woman spends so much time with her child giving it the nurturing and care that it needs. This can be very stressful for the woman.
The husband and wife also need to take the time to have one on one time with each other so that their relationship is not diminished. Because the new mother and father spend so much time taking care of their new baby, it is easy for them to forget to take care of each other. The husband might feel neglected because his wife is spending so much time with the baby and not with him, and this may be very hurtful for the husband. The wife spends a lot of time taking care of their baby and sometimes she may feel like her husband isn’t really trying hard to help her with this. Together in their own way both husband and wife feel neglected and abandoned. It is very important for the husband and wife to talk to each other about this and get back to being in tune with each other. They need to make a special effort to restore their sense of intimacy that they shared before. They need to be extra supportive to each other and communicate better, and their sexual relationship needs to be enhanced.
Bringing a child into a marriage is very stressful and can have a negative impact on the husband and wife relationship. But if the husband and wife work together at keeping their intimate relationship strong, and work together at raising their child, then they will be able to have a strong marriage and an even stronger family.

Please share your thoughts and feelings.

2 comments:

  1. Alysha you did a great job!
    I really like that you identified what both partner is going to experiencing and interestingly enough they are SO similar and at this time they agree more than anything. Its just a communication issue! What practices do you think can be adapted prior to having a child to help refrain from marriage deterioration?

    Thanks
    Maddison Dillon

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  2. During the pregnancy the wife can involve her husband in the whole experience. She can have him feel when the baby is kicking, or has hiccups and things like that. She can also have him go through the whole birthing process with her, like go to meetings and such. After the baby is born the wife can have her husband be very involved with the child, like feedings, and baby milestones. The wife, before and after the child is born can make a special effort to pay attention to her husband so he wouldn't feel neglected.

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