An Excelent Method For Problem Solving and Decision Making

The First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints use a specific method when it comes to solving problems and making decisions together. This method can also be used in marriage. If a married couple could use this method of solving problems and making decisions, then they would be much happier and much more satisfied than with the methods that they use now.

The Council Method of solving problems and making decisions together:
1. Discuss love and appreciation
2. Open with a prayer
3. All reach a consensus-God’s will
4. Close with a prayer
5. Refreshments

Discuss love and appreciation
-    It’s good to start this way to gain love, trust, and bonding. Put in perspective what is important, that even though you might be extremely mad at the person, you acknowledge the fact that you do love each other, and that this isn’t going to change that love. This isn’t a complaint session but a problem solving meeting. You are working together. Talk back and forth on how you admire each other, and how much you love and appreciate each other.

Open with a prayer
-    Invite the spirit to help each person to understand what the Lord wants, and what His will is to solve the problem. Invite the Spirit to keep each person calm and not angry and to think and make a decision without getting negative or angry.

All reach a consensus-God’s will
-    Both people work together to come to the same agreement on how to solve a problem. This needs to be God’s will, not the will of the husband, or the wife, but God.  Know that the Lord is on our side. Counsel with Him and He will tell you what He wants you to do. Also, study it out in your mind. Come to a conclusion that you both agree with and then take it to the Lord. Step out side of what you want to do and doing what God wants you to do.

Close with a prayer
-    Thank God for giving you an answer to your problem, and that you were both able to receive an answer from God on what He wanted you to do. This wraps everything up, includes the Lord and asks for a blessing on the answer that you got. This can also Solidify your testimony in understanding that the answer that you got is from God, and it is what He wants.

Refreshments
-    Do refreshments together to end the discussion on a happy note, and this gives you a chance to come together. Afterwards one or more people might be irritated, or agitated and it is best to re-bond with each other instead of going off on your own and sulking, or staying angry.

Also go to the temple about these problems, create a sacred place like a home to have this discussion. Have this discussion on a weekly basis or very often. Have an agenda about what both people are wanting to discuss.

Heavenly Father loves you more than you do. He wants what is best for you, and will provide a way for you to be eternally happy. I promise you that if you use this method to solve problems and make decisions in your marriage, you will be happy and you and your spouse will be brought closer together.

I would really love to hear about your thoughts and feelings about this. What methods have you used? How effective are they? Try this method and let me know how it works for you!

Infidelity in Marriage

Unfortunately in todays world there are many things that are trying to distroy marriages especially through infidelity. Infidelity is something that is creeping into marriages and destroying them. There are many different versions of infidelity. There is physical infidelity, and emotional infidelity. A spouse can commit infidelity by actually commiting adultury with someone else physically or through their thoughts. It is also a possability to commit infidelity by spending all of your time on something that is not your spouse. Women can do so by going out with their girlfriends too often, or just anything that takes all of her attention away from her husband for too long. Men can commit infidelity by being completely obsessed with their work and not spending any time with their wives, and also they can do this by spening too much time playing video games or television. Both spouses can commit infidelity by spending too much time on second life games. I advise very strongly to stay clear of second life and virtual living comepletely.

 

Danielle Nelson wrote in her article “Husbands and wives deal with gaming and marriage” (August 30, 2011) that Beverly, a girl who was newly married, felt like she was a “gaming widow”. Beverly also discovered other women who “feel they have lost their spouse to the virtual gaming world.”

 --Spencer W. Kimball; Faith Precedes the Miracle (1972), 142-143--:

“There are those married people who permit their eyes to wander and their hearts to become vagrant, who think it is not improper to flirt a little, to share their hearts and have desire for someone other than the wife or the husband. The Lord says in no uncertain terms: “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and no one else and, when the Lord says all thy heart”, it allows for no sharing nor dividing nor depriving. And, to the woman it is paraphrased:  ”Thou shalt love thy husband with all thy heart and shalt cleave unto him and none else.” The words none else eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes preeminent in the life of the husband or wife, and neither social life nor occupational life nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse.”

What are your thoughts?

Then Comes The Baby In The Baby Carriage

When a husband and a wife get together and have a child this is the most beautiful miracle that is here on this earth. Unfortunately this little bundle of joy can take a negative toll on a marriage. The marriage is now different because of this new addition, and it can do some harm on a relationship between a husband and a wife. There is a type of fall out with the man and woman as they each have to make a special effort to take care of their baby. The husband and wife spend less time with each other because all of the attention is on this child that needs this extra attention.

Men have to adopt fatherhood into their identities. The men need to become the type of father that takes care of the finances and provides for his family, or he needs to become a father that is highly involved and caring. On average men take on the bread-winning role and provide for their family financially. Unfortunately this leads to the father not being as involved in his children’s life, and they don’t pay attention to their children’s needs. Men also take on the role of a highly involved and caring parent. Men who take on the role of caregiver to their children unfortunately receive the distinction that they are feminized, and are not able to hold their own as a normal man. These men are degraded. Also, men who take on the care-giving role tend to be thought as a man who is not capable of ruling or being dominant in any political or social contexts. These men are thought of as weaker. These outcomes can be very stressful for a man, and it is something for him to consider before he becomes a father.

Becoming a parent is not only hard on the husband, but it also takes a toll on the wife. Women not only have to go through the whole pregnancy process of having children, but what happens after the child is born is what can be most difficult on a marriage. The work that comes with the emotional aspect of mothering a child takes a large toll on the woman. Fathering a child takes an emotional toll too, but it is especially difficult on the woman. Besides the fact that the woman has to take care of their new baby she also has many decisions to make once she becomes a mother. She needs to decide if she is going to continue in the work-force, or if she is going to stay home. The husband and wife need to decide who is going to be the bread-winner, and who is going to stay home and be the caregiver, or if both are going to continue working. The woman spends so much time with her child giving it the nurturing and care that it needs. This can be very stressful for the woman.

The husband and wife also need to take the time to have one on one time with each other so that their relationship is not diminished. Because the new mother and father spend so much time taking care of their new baby, it is easy for them to forget to take care of each other. The husband might feel neglected because his wife is spending so much time with the baby and not with him, and this may be very hurtful for the husband. The wife spends a lot of time taking care of their baby and sometimes she may feel like her husband isn’t really trying hard to help her with this. Together in their own way both husband and wife feel neglected and abandoned. It is very important for the husband and wife to talk to each other about this and get back to being in tune with each other. They need to make a special effort to restore their sense of intimacy that they shared before. They need to be extra supportive to each other and communicate better, and their sexual relationship needs to be enhanced.

Bringing a child into a marriage is very stressful and can have a negative impact on the husband and wife relationship. But if the husband and wife work together at keeping their intimate relationship strong, and work together at raising their child, then they will be able to have a strong marriage and an even stronger family.

Please share your thoughts and feelings.

Perfect

I think that one of the many problems that couples have is that they feel like their relationship should be perfect. They have too high of expectations and if their spouse is not perfect, then they think they chose the wrong person. This leads to divorce, and the search for the "perfect person". Unfortunately the only perfect person was Jesus Christ. The rest of us aren't perfect. If you only look for the perfect person then you are out of luck. Even if there was a perfect person out there, they would never chose you because you aren't perfect yourself.

Marriages will always have their problems because marriage is difficult and it is something to work for. Just because a marriage isn't perfect, does not mean that it is a bad marriage. As long as both spouses are working hard on keeping their marriage alive, then it will be a good marriage. 

I was listening to the radio and the song Perfect by Sara Evans came on and it made me think about all of this. I would like you to listen to this song. I've posted it below.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zJ82fCX324


Marriage isn't easy. Both spouses need to work at it at all times. 

What are your thoughts about this?