Father Involvement

Fatherhood has changed immensely over the span of time. Fathers and mothers worked side by side their children before the industrial revolution. Fathers would work on their farms with their children teaching them how to work, instructing them in spiritual matters and in things not spiritual. Children, especially sons, could learn a lot from their father, and his example. The father did not have to leave home to go to work because the work was home. Men made a living at home, surviving off the land and making their own way. Children were able to spend a lot of time with their fathers because of this. Unfortunately, the industrial revolution changed all that. Men were able to leave home and find a more stable income working in factories. The fathers would end up working 14-16 hour workdays to try to bring in money for their families. This took the fathers from their homes and families for most of the day. This caused fathers to be more absent from their homes and families. Children were not able to be with their father as often as they used to. Children were not able to have that influence from their father like they used to have. Soon fathers were seen mainly as the bread winner who provided food for the table and not someone who fulfills any other paternal duty. There has been research done that shows that preteens, and teenagers need the type of leadership that only a father can provide, and children do better in school if their father is interested in their education and schooling. Because men are so busy with their work they feel like they do not have enough time to invest into their families, but if fathers find the time to spend with their children, their children will be able to benefit from their father’s influence. What I find important There are many things that I think is important for fathers to do to have a positive influence over their children. Children need their father in their lives, to be able to learn and grow and use what their father’s teach them in their lives. I think fathers need to spend more time at home with their children than the average father. I also think that fathers need to be more interested in their children’s schooling, social life, and spiritual life. Fathers also need to spend time working side by side with their children. Spend more time at home Fathers spend too much time at work, and not enough time at home with their families. Many men might feel very stressed when they are home, and might use work as an escape from the intensities of home. Some men might feel like they need to be constantly providing for their families so they have enough money to survive, or keep the children happy. If fathers would spend more time at home with their families they will find that that will be better for their children than providing them with a good income. Be interested in their education Fathers tend to feel like their child’s education is not on their list of paternal duties, and that he does not need to be involved, but what he does not know is that fathers can influence the children’s education immensely by being involved. Children tend to do better in school when their father is involved in their education. Be interested in their social life Fathers need to be interested in their children’s social life because they need to know and understand what their child is going through. Fathers need to be aware of the type of people that his children choose to hang out with and the type of influence that they have on his children. If a father is more involved in a child’s life, the boy will have a better male role model, and the girl will be less promiscuous. Be interested in their spiritual life If a father takes an interest in their child’s spiritual life, they will be able to have an influence on their child’s moral and spiritual values. Children will be able to use him as a positive influence spiritually, and will be able to use him as a good spiritual role model. Work side by side with them If a father works side by side his children he will be able to have a strong influence on his children. His children will be able to learn a great work ethic and be able to bond with their father in a way that they would not be able to otherwise. They will also know that their father is not a dictator commanding them to do things while watching them work. This will bring a closer bond between the father and his children. My experiences My dad is a great man. I am very grateful that I have the father that I do because I would be completely different if I had a different father. My father made sure that he gave his children the best he could. I love my father and I would not change him one bit. My father wanted to be able to spend more time with his children so he took a job where he had less hours and more free time. He was not able to bring in a lot of money like many fathers, but he was able to be with his children and spend more time with us. My father has always been interested in our social life and he has always known who our friends are and what we do. He has also invested himself in our education with schooling and spiritual education. Because of him I turned out the way I have. My father also worked side by side with us, showing us how to work and teaching us many things that we couldn’t have any other way. Future family In my future family I will marry a man who will be very invested in our children’s lives. I will marry a man who will spend more time at home, and work less away from home. He will also be invested in our children’s social life, spiritual life, and their education. My husband and myself will work side by side with our children so they will be able to bond with us and learn what I learned working with my father.

Infidelity in Marriage

Unfortunately in todays world there are many things that are trying to distroy marriages especially through infidelity. Infidelity is something that is creeping into marriages and destroying them. There are many different versions of infidelity. There is physical infidelity, and emotional infidelity. A spouse can commit infidelity by actually commiting adultury with someone else physically or through their thoughts. It is also a possability to commit infidelity by spending all of your time on something that is not your spouse. Women can do so by going out with their girlfriends too often, or just anything that takes all of her attention away from her husband for too long. Men can commit infidelity by being completely obsessed with their work and not spending any time with their wives, and also they can do this by spening too much time playing video games or television. Both spouses can commit infidelity by spending too much time on second life games. I advise very strongly to stay clear of second life and virtual living comepletely.

 

Danielle Nelson wrote in her article “Husbands and wives deal with gaming and marriage” (August 30, 2011) that Beverly, a girl who was newly married, felt like she was a “gaming widow”. Beverly also discovered other women who “feel they have lost their spouse to the virtual gaming world.”

 --Spencer W. Kimball; Faith Precedes the Miracle (1972), 142-143--:

“There are those married people who permit their eyes to wander and their hearts to become vagrant, who think it is not improper to flirt a little, to share their hearts and have desire for someone other than the wife or the husband. The Lord says in no uncertain terms: “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and no one else and, when the Lord says all thy heart”, it allows for no sharing nor dividing nor depriving. And, to the woman it is paraphrased:  ”Thou shalt love thy husband with all thy heart and shalt cleave unto him and none else.” The words none else eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes preeminent in the life of the husband or wife, and neither social life nor occupational life nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse.”

What are your thoughts?

Then Comes The Baby In The Baby Carriage

When a husband and a wife get together and have a child this is the most beautiful miracle that is here on this earth. Unfortunately this little bundle of joy can take a negative toll on a marriage. The marriage is now different because of this new addition, and it can do some harm on a relationship between a husband and a wife. There is a type of fall out with the man and woman as they each have to make a special effort to take care of their baby. The husband and wife spend less time with each other because all of the attention is on this child that needs this extra attention.

Men have to adopt fatherhood into their identities. The men need to become the type of father that takes care of the finances and provides for his family, or he needs to become a father that is highly involved and caring. On average men take on the bread-winning role and provide for their family financially. Unfortunately this leads to the father not being as involved in his children’s life, and they don’t pay attention to their children’s needs. Men also take on the role of a highly involved and caring parent. Men who take on the role of caregiver to their children unfortunately receive the distinction that they are feminized, and are not able to hold their own as a normal man. These men are degraded. Also, men who take on the care-giving role tend to be thought as a man who is not capable of ruling or being dominant in any political or social contexts. These men are thought of as weaker. These outcomes can be very stressful for a man, and it is something for him to consider before he becomes a father.

Becoming a parent is not only hard on the husband, but it also takes a toll on the wife. Women not only have to go through the whole pregnancy process of having children, but what happens after the child is born is what can be most difficult on a marriage. The work that comes with the emotional aspect of mothering a child takes a large toll on the woman. Fathering a child takes an emotional toll too, but it is especially difficult on the woman. Besides the fact that the woman has to take care of their new baby she also has many decisions to make once she becomes a mother. She needs to decide if she is going to continue in the work-force, or if she is going to stay home. The husband and wife need to decide who is going to be the bread-winner, and who is going to stay home and be the caregiver, or if both are going to continue working. The woman spends so much time with her child giving it the nurturing and care that it needs. This can be very stressful for the woman.

The husband and wife also need to take the time to have one on one time with each other so that their relationship is not diminished. Because the new mother and father spend so much time taking care of their new baby, it is easy for them to forget to take care of each other. The husband might feel neglected because his wife is spending so much time with the baby and not with him, and this may be very hurtful for the husband. The wife spends a lot of time taking care of their baby and sometimes she may feel like her husband isn’t really trying hard to help her with this. Together in their own way both husband and wife feel neglected and abandoned. It is very important for the husband and wife to talk to each other about this and get back to being in tune with each other. They need to make a special effort to restore their sense of intimacy that they shared before. They need to be extra supportive to each other and communicate better, and their sexual relationship needs to be enhanced.

Bringing a child into a marriage is very stressful and can have a negative impact on the husband and wife relationship. But if the husband and wife work together at keeping their intimate relationship strong, and work together at raising their child, then they will be able to have a strong marriage and an even stronger family.

Please share your thoughts and feelings.

TRADITION!!

Traditions play a very important role in family life and also in cultures. Traditions strengthen family bonds and will draw family members closer together. They will give you strength and stability. Things may get rough in life, and if tragedy strikes then traditions can help you get through those hard times. It is something to hold on to even if everything seems to be crumbling down. Traditions give individual family members a sense of identity. Traditions can also give family members a place where they belong. As long as the tradition goes on, then that is where individual family members belong. The sense of family can be reinforced when tradition rituals are remembered and continued. This tradition can create a connection between the different generation in a family.

My family and I have many different traditions. One of my favorite traditions is on Christmas Eve all of my extended family gathers together at my Grandma and Grandpa’s house. We bring food and have dinner together. After we have dinner then we do a gift exchange, or other games. It is a ton of fun and the whole family is able to get together and bond over this special time of year. I am so much closer to my extended family because we get together like this. We are able to celebrate our family and the holidays. When I have my own family, I hope that I can continue this tradition, especially when I have grandchildren. I feel that if I continue this tradition it will bring my family closer together. 

What traditions do you and your own family have? How does it affect you? I am very interested to learn about your traditions. Please share.

Families Can Be Together Forever

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Also known as Mormon. In my religion we believe that families can be together forever. We believe that a man and a woman can seal themselves together for all time and eternity. When a worthy man and woman go to our temple, they can make covenants (a two way promise between you and God) that will seal themselves together. This connection will not end "till death do you part" but will last forever. If a worthy man and woman seal themselves together, then their children will also be sealed to them. This way the family will be together forever. If tragedy strikes and a loved one is lost, the family that is sealed together will be together again once more. I am so very grateful that I am sealed to my own family and that I will be able to be with them for time and all eternity. I am also thankful that when I marry and start my own family it will not end at death, but it will last forever. 

What are your thoughts and beliefs?

The Genogram

http://www.genopro.com/genogram/

In class we have the option of creating our own genogram for our own families. We learned that "the genogram is a widely accepted means of mapping and discussing inter-generational family relations and patterns." The Website above will help you do your own genogram.

It is very important to review past generations to understand who you are, and why you are the way you are. You can spot family trends that your family have established, and also look at the different behaviors that you and your family have. It is also very important to look at past behaviors and past problems that seem to be a trend in your family. Looking at and understanding these trends, you can stop negative trends and alter future generations.

I am very curious to know what everyone thinks about this! Please comment and leave your thoughts!

The Remedy for Marital Problems

Here are some things that I learned in class today:

The remedy for almost all marital problems is not divorce, but repentance. The first step is not separation, but reform. To prevent marrying someone who is abusive, unfaithful and so many other things is to avoid marriage to such a person. If you wish to marry well, inquire well. It is important to get to know the person that you are dating, followed by a careful courtship. Fiancés should learn everything that they can about the families that they join. You don’t just marry the person, you marry the whole family. For a successful marriage, it is very important to realize that a good marriage does not require a perfect man or woman, but that they should both strive together towards perfection.

This is Something That I Feel Everyone Should Read, Because This is What I Believe a Family is

The Family

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A Proclamation to the World

The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.

All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.

In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshipped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize their divine destiny as heirs of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.

The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.

We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan.

Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

Here we go, my first blog! I am required to start a blog for my Family Relations class here at school, Brigham Young University of Idaho. I am excited be able to share my thoughts, feelings, and beliefs with others. This blog is mainly going to be about families and what I learn about it in class, and what I have come to know and believe about it. First of all I believe that the family is the most sacred unit here on earth. I know that Heavenly Father gave us the opportunity to have a family to help each and every one of us learn and grow. I am so very grateful for my family and the love that we have for each other. Because each of us strives to lift each other up we have become stronger individually as well as a unit. I love my family and I am so glad that Heavenly Father gave them to me.